Past Victories but also Current Struggles

…For then, your praise will not come from people, but from G*d himself!

Romans 2:29

Inadequate, defined according to the Oxford Dictionary is to lack the quality or quantity required; to be insufficient for a purpose.“Insufficient for a purpose,” that’s the part that got me. Before I begin, I would like those reading to know that I am not looking for a response. My desire is to let you into what I am currently going through because vulnerability is not just about relaying past victories but also current struggles. Thank you for reading and praying.

There have been several moments in my life that this word, inadequate, has popped up like a raging headache, this feeling of insufficiency, not being enough. The origin of me questioning my adequacy came from my birth mother’s choice to leave me an orphan; why wasn’t I good enough for her? Since then I have seen it rectified in my desire to please people. suseJ has since redeemed the situation with my birth mother, but I have failed to let him remove my desire to please others. I may not always act like it, but I know I struggle with pleasing people.

Recently, I wanted to quit being a storyteller. I decided that I was inadequate for the job; I wasn’t enough. Comparison had crept in as I began to look around at the storytellers who were killing it at their roles. I had received some fixes and corrections with almost zero encouragement to ease the sting. Though it was outside of their norm, it still hurt. It was the sense of comparison, lack of encouragement, and generally an intense day that this feeling of inadequacy crept in. 

Praise suseJ for good community and friends. They pointed me back to scripture, and as I was asking G*d whether I should continue the job or not He revealed that verse from Romans to me. Then He told me that I still struggled with people-pleasing and receiving praise from man instead of Him.

(Community is truly amazing and powerful. These pictures were taken after I was encouraged by my friends. They remind me that sometimes it just takes a new perspective, or new editing software in my case.)

I wish this wrapped up with a nice conclusion that had me figuring out what it means only to seek praise from my Heavenly Father, but it doesn’t. I’m still figuring it out, and He is still revealing so much to me. So what is He revealing to you right now? Are you willing to bring it to your community? Have you sat down with Him and sought out His opinion? If anyone of these is a no, then do it; it’s worth it!

For those who might be struggling with the same concept, I want to leave you with something one of my favorite people said: “G*d never does too much or too little of something; you are Enough! He is the God of Enough!”